The problem with these cures, the British novelist Kingsley Amis () wrote in his now-classic book “On Drink,” is that they deal only. Review: Everyday Drinking by Kingsley AmisThese recipes belong to a vanished world, in which you had to think hard as to how to get as much. ‘I don’t really like wine. Gin is for pansies, and liqueurs are best left to patent- shoed Wops’.
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Doctors assure us that wherever you find an elderly, pompous old writer long past his prime you will find a bottle of scotch nearby.
If only that were the case. Hilly hid mine after I fell up the stairs when I came home from the Garrick yesterday, and I’ve had to make do with a bottle of Blue Nun I found in the maid’s parlour. Not that I am an alcoholic. Dipsomaniacs are a breed of the lower orders you meet on street corners: My primary observation is that drinking makes the daily distilledd of dealing with people so much easier.
You drink everryday pint of whisky and become the life and soul of the party. You then start insulting people, before sweating heavily and wetting yourself involuntarily. You will usually find that everyone quickly avoids you, thereby relieving you of the need to make conversation. This is why I prefer to do much of my drinking at home. It saves so much time. kingsleu
There are a everydwy many drinks on the market – spirits, wines and beers – and I’ve probably drunk them all. Usually in some kind of combination with one another.
Mixing cocktails is one of my favourite hobbies. Here’s one I invented last week for my great sycophant, Christopher Hitchens.
At some time you will probably be forced to eveyrday people to your home and they may expect a drink. My advice is to offer them the cheapest tipple you can find; my local off-licence does a ghastly Mosel at eferyday a bottle.
I’ve never cared for even the best wines, and this should guarantee those poncing off you neither ask for top-ups nor stay long, thereby leaving you more money and time for the pub. It is well known that only the very dullest of petit-bourgeois minds fail to over-imbibe on a daily basis, so I regard hangovers as a price worth paying for my brilliance. That said, I have found ways of coping with this metaphysical malaise.
Everyday Drinking: The Distilled Kingsley Amis
The first is to fuck someone; preferably somebody else’s wife, but if your own is the only one around then she will do. The second is to read a book by that little shit Mart; it will kijgsley remind you you’re not that bad a writer or give you some sleep. The one downside to drinking is that it can make you fat. This is remedied by cutting out food entirely and drinking all spirits without mixers. My weight has gone down to 19st with this diet. There isn’t much more aims say, but as I’m being paid by the column I’d better repeat myself.
And now that I’m dead, there’s no harm in Bloomsbury repackaging the same material several times in the same collection. I don’t really like wine. Gin is for pansies, though a snifter with water doesn’t go amiss. Liqueurs are best left to patent-shoed Wops. Champagne is an overrated girl’s drink, though it can be drunk with any food; as such, it’s a perfect breakfast drink because a scotch before 10am is very non-U.
I loathe pubs with loud music, but my utmost detestation is reserved for sanctimonious ex-topers. There’s nothing worse than a man who doesn’t drink. I once tried not drinking for several hours and my wives and mistresses said how dull it was that I was conscious and they were spared removing my soiled trousers from my bloated legs.
Review: Everyday Drinking by Kingsley Amis | Books | The Guardian
Whisky is my favourite tipple, though I recommend never giving it to a Welshman as it’s wasted on someone with an IQ of less than Have I mentioned that I’m partial to a Macallan? Gosh is that the time? Hilly’s coming to change my IV drip before I fall xmis again.
The publisher can bloody well pad out the rest of the book with a pointless quiz without me. The Hitch One bottle of Babycham One bottle of absinthe Drin,ing shots of Angostura very bitters Two tablespoons of bile Two or three glasses of this tincture can give you a lifetime of self-satisfaction.
Who will buy this? The digested read digested: The old pub bore. Topics Kingsley Amis Digested read.